


I'll Change My Routine (If You'll Hold My Hand)

by DeathByFallenStar



Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: Angst, F/M, Long-Distance Relationship, Machi cries okay I hate myself for letting it happen, Post-Canon, Sex, i was not intending to write smut but then it just happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23460955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathByFallenStar/pseuds/DeathByFallenStar
Summary: It’s embarrassing. It’s so embarrassing that she doesn’t want to explain it and would rather bottle it all away and ignore it, because she hates that she let it get to this point. She hates that she ever listened to them, that she let them talk doubt into her mind. She doesn’t want to be like this, she doesn’t want to be something as petty as jealous.Or,Machi goes to visit Yuki at college, mostly because she misses him.
Relationships: Kuragi Machi/Sohma Yuki
Comments: 20
Kudos: 139





	I'll Change My Routine (If You'll Hold My Hand)

He’s the one who gave her the key. It’s not like she stole it or is going to pick the lock. He literally gave her a key for this exact reason. “Come over whenever,” and why would he say that if he didn’t mean it? Why would he give her the key in the first place if he didn’t expect her to use it? Sure, there was that joke, that the key also served as a way for her to check in, to feel comfortable. To make sure he wasn’t cheating. She told him she didn’t think he would and she still thinks that. She knows that.

She knows it.

But still, her palms are sweating as she stands outside his apartment door, the key loosely gripped between her thumb and finger. She’s worrying like a child for no reason. She trusts Yuki and she doesn’t think any of the things she’s heard are true at all– but. Still.

She’s not even really breathing by the time she manages to put the key into the lock. When she turns it, the  _ click _ of it coming undone is the first thing to relax her. It was silly to think it wouldn’t work, silly that her shoulders are still tense even as she pushes the door open.

It’s not like this is her first time here. She went up with him to look at it when he was first considering it and again before the semester started. He wanted her opinion on it, wanted her to help him set it up, wanted her to be a part of it. That’s why he gave her a key.

The lights are off but the curtains are open, letting the late day sunlight illuminate the room. It’s a mess and that makes her smile. It’s not horrific, not the worst she’s seen, but there are still papers piled on the table, dishes in the sink, and the trash is overflowing. He’s still the same and that, in itself, is a comfort.

But it is quiet and Machi is suddenly struck with the thought that he might not be home. It wasn’t something she had considered at any point until now, but it’s true. He could literally be anywhere in this giant city and she’s just– oh god, she’s just going to be in his apartment like a weirdo.

“Shit,” she mutters as her face goes red and she feels her own frustration scratch at her nerves. She goes to put her bag down in exhausted defeat, but she does so with a little less care than she intended and the clatter as it hits the hardwood is loud enough to startle her, wearing out her nerves even more.

She’s so mad she’s ready to just leave and act like she was never here.

But then there’s the sound of running water. Her heart picks up and she hears light footsteps moving from his bedroom. Her cheeks are getting redder and she lifts her gaze just in time to see him come out of his bedroom and–

Oh, that’s right. She missed him.

Before she had been taunted enough to worry, she had simply been missing him. She’s missed the way he looks and smells and talks and teases. They talk on the phone and send text messages and even presents in the mail with letters attached. Sure, she hears his voice and knows he’s there, but. She loves him and she’s missed him. How did she forget that part?

His eyes light up as he looks at her and he starts to smile wide and, oh god, he’s a beautiful weirdo with toothpaste on his chin. He’s handsome and he smiles when he sees her.

“Machi?” it’s a question, but it’s an excited question, giddy sounding as he walks over to her with his hands out. “I thought you weren’t coming up until Golden Week?”

She could cry she’s so happy. “I was– I am, still. But I– I just missed you and–”

None of the other stuff matters anymore. He holds her face in his hands, his palms cool against her cheeks and jaw, and he kisses her like he’s missed her. Like he loves her.

Because he does and she knows that.

She knows that.

**

Before Yuki, Machi hadn’t really had a crush. The perfection her life demanded made her scared to consider anything that would affect what her mother made her strive for. She did her studies and nothing else, she barely even looked at boys.

After perfection, she was too stuck in her own head for anything past that. Truth be told, she didn’t think much of Yuki the first time she saw him. She got why other girls would like him, but she didn’t see how that warranted a whole club in his name. He was… okay.

But okay had turned itself into staring, into observing, into thinking that okay, maybe he’s cute. Maybe he was handsome and smart and kind. Maybe he was charming, when he wasn’t teasing her. Maybe, if she didn’t think about it too hard, maybe she was attracted to him. Maybe that’s what made her stomach hurt and her cheeks go red.

It was still a bit much for a whole club to obsess over him, but she got where they were coming from at least.

Handsome and smart and kind and so, so strong. Machi was startled by his strength the first time he picked her up. Mid-kiss and just  _ whoop _ , right up she went in his arms, as effortlessly as if she were his bookbag. He didn’t even break their kiss. She did though, of course, when she startled so much she turned red and flailed, nearly toppling out of his arms. He had laughed and sat her back down, teasing her about being afraid of heights or some nonsense. She stayed red in the face and admonished him, told him he couldn’t just pick people up without warning them.

She got used to it though. 

That’s what he does this time as well. He lifts her up and she doesn’t startle or scold him. She follows his lead and wraps her legs around him, trusting him to get them wherever they’re going. He probably has a plan, because Machi sure doesn’t. She didn’t even intend for this to be the first thing they did, maybe the fourth or fifth.

But she doesn’t mind because, god, did she miss this. The way he kisses her and holds her. He tastes like fresh toothpaste and smells like a fresh shower; he must have had plans. She would feel bad for imposing but she doesn’t really care. He must not either because when she pulls apart to breathe, she feels her back being pressed into a wall and she can see they’re outside his bedroom. She moans and feels his body grind against hers.

“I have missed you,” he says between breaths, “so much.”

“Me too, me too,” she mutters, knotting her fingers in his hair. He starts to mouth at her neck and she gasps. “Yuki,” she says, breathless. She feels the blood rushing all around her body: to her face, her toes, her heart, her stomach. He presses against her and she  _ feels _ him.

**

He didn’t tell her it, in fact Machi is pretty sure he didn’t even know himself, but she figured out how much he liked to hear her talk during sex. It’s the best way to turn him on: saying his name, affirming his actions, encouraging him on. He’s an absolute sucker for it and she loves it.

Normally she’d pace it out, talk slow and soft and breathe out each word, but right now she’s impatient and so she starts in quick, saying his name over and over. It gets him going the quickest and so moans it in his ear and chants it in his mouth.

When he sits her down on the bed, breaking their kiss, she whines it and feels him shudder in response.

“I guess you’re here to see the new sheets, then,” Yuki says, smirking at her as he kneels down on the floor in front of her. His face is flushed and his hair a mess and he still has a streak of toothpaste on his chin.

She chuckles and puts her hand out to rub at the spot when he raises an eyebrow at her. “Toothpaste,” she says, giggling at how his smile goes less suave and more sweet.

“That’s embarrassing.” He chuckles at himself before he grabs her wrist, turning his head to kiss her palm, while his other hand squeezes her thigh. Her giggle turns into a sigh, and so she says his name again.

**

He does it almost every time they have sex, and yet without fail it always gives her chills of pleasure. She’s not even sure why.

Delicately, with careful and loving hands, he’ll remove her shoes and stockings. He’ll grab her ankle in his firm, steady grip and lightly pull her shoes off her feet before haphazardly tossing them to the side. If there’s laces, he’ll undo them. If there’s a zipper, he’ll guide it down gently. Every sock and stocking is gently rolled down her shin, his fingers will tease her inner thigh and tickle the skin of her calf.

It drives her wild. She squirms and pleads and holds each breath until he’s done.

Thankfully, this time it’s just a quick pair of slip-ons and some knee-high socks. Even with his slow caresses and teasing hands, he gets them off before her patience wears out. Once he’s done and tossed them all to the side, she grabs him by the button up he’s wearing and pulls him into another kiss. She can feel his smile as he bites at her lip and she sighs into him in pleasure.

Her hands make haste, working the buttons of his shirt from the top down. He tries to help, going from the bottom up, until their hands get tangled in the middle and she’s pushing him away so she can get it done. She pushes the shirt off his shoulder and huffs in frustration when she finds another shirt on underneath.

“Off, off, off,” she says. He laughs, but cooperates with her demands and pulls the shirt over his head, throwing it somewhere with her forgotten shoes.

**

The first few times they had sex, Machi didn’t come. It wasn’t from lack of trying on either of their parts, it was just what happened. She had masturbated before and so she knew what it was she was chasing, but something kept blocking her those first few times. They would be on their way, so close she could feel it approaching, encroaching on every part of her, climbing to the top until– a drop. Something inside her would screech to a halt, pulling her back and having him stop.

She had been so embarrassed by it the first time, worried about what it would mean.

Yuki was loving though. He was patient and kind and assuring. They talked and he worked with her, made her feel comfortable, in control of their pace. He told her he loved her and that they would get there.

And eventually, they did.

Now, he knows what he’s doing and she knows what she needs. Once they get her dress off, there’s no questioning his intention by the look in his eye. Even though Machi can see Yuki’s erection pressed against his pants, she still comes first, with his fingers inside her and his breath hot in her ear. She whimpers and whines and shakes as he works her, her eyes barely open as sparks fly through her body. He rubs his thumb along her clit and she’s begging and praising and saying his name until she finally is able to arch her back and release.

**

There was one time before they actually did it that Machi was sure was going to be The Night. They had been dating for a good few months at that point and she wanted it. She wanted it badly and she was sure he did well.

Neither of them had had any plans the next day and Yuki wasn’t a stranger to staying at her apartment. Things had risen to a boil on their make out session and Machi was ready. So that night she had wrapped her arms around him and told him so.

And Yuki cried.

Yuki cried like he had that first day he kissed her. Quietly, but suddenly. He wrapped his arms around her and cried into her shoulder. She hadn’t known what was happening, but she waited it out with him. She rubbed his back and kissed his temple and waited with him.

He explained it to her eventually, parts of his past that were hard to understand. A curse that was broken, that she was the first woman he ever held, that he loved her. That he never thought he would get to have this. He told her and he shook, and Machi realized he was scared. Some part of him was still scared of something that had once ruled his life. She didn’t know what to make of the curse, but she knew that much. So she held him gently and told him it was okay, they didn’t have to right now. They could wait. She loved him.

She remembers that moment like the shutter of a camera lens when he holds himself over her, his eyes confident and his pupils blown wide in want. Sure of himself and of her. She can’t believe it hasn’t even been a year sometimes. It feels like she’s loved him a lifetime.

She has the privilege of birth control and so he pushes into her with no extra step to wait on. He moans out her name and she gasps his as she feels herself expand. It hasn’t been too long of a time, but she’s missed the way it feels to have him in her, the way her body gives and shutters.

“You okay?” he asks, pushing her hair off her face.

She nods. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m great, I promise.”

His thumb grazes over her cheekbone and his eyes are soft, his smile something only she is allowed to have. She takes her hands and cups his face, pulling him down to her to kiss him softly, just a touch of their lips, a comfort. It works and they both feel her body relax, open wider.

“God,” he says, “I’ve missed you.”

His hips twitch and he barely moves, but it’s enough to send stars to her eyes. “Please,” she says, almost a whine, “Yuki.”

And that’s the encouragement he needs.

He rocks in and out of her, his face buried in the crook of her neck while she clutches her fingers in his hair. She talks mindlessly and he listens. He follows her instructions, doubles up on actions she praises, moans every time she says his name. Some noise or word is knocked out of her throat every time he pushes in.

She feels him start to go frantic with his movements. She’s close again and she almost wants to touch herself while he’s inside, but she feels more secure as she holds onto him, wanting to pull him in close until he’s done, feel every part of him until he’s ready to let go.

It isn’t long after when she hears him grunt. “Machi, Machi. I–I’m–”

“Yes,” she says. She turns her head and buries her nose in his hair, her lips against his ear. “Please, Yuki. Yes, yes, come on. Please, it’s okay. Please, Yuki.  _ Yuki _ .”

And it’s a couple of more times before he’s burying himself inside of her, moaning low and deep. She feels him come and it sends a shiver down to her toes, her breath shaky and her body pulsing with his.

His breath is hot on her collarbone. He mutters something, but she can’t hear it over the buzz in her ears. She can barely feel anything until she realizes that he’s slowly pulling out of her, and that reignites her body.

She’s still close and so, without a thought, she reaches down to finish, to give herself the one more orgasm she knows she can get. His fingers meet hers down there and although it’s clumsy, it’s enough to get her to come again, his name the only thing she can say.

**

After the first time they had sex, Yuki avoided Kakeru like the plague. Machi couldn’t look him in the eye. It didn’t take him long to figure out what had happened.

He’d probably have a field day knowing she traveled all the way here and barely got in the door before they did it. Ugh.

“Hey.”

His voice is gentle, but her eyes startle open and she realizes she dozed off. She blinks a few times to see him above her, sitting on the bed and smiling down at her.

“I feel asleep?” she says, confused at herself.

He chuckles and runs a hand over her cheek. “Yeah, but it’s just been a couple of minutes. I didn’t want you to forget to go to the bathroom.”

She groans and pouts out her bottom lip. He laughs, leaning down to kiss her lightly, but pulls away more quickly than she would like before he gets up and slowly pulls her out of the bed.

She feels good, honestly. Kind of foolish for thinking, even for one second, that he might be– and no. No, she never thought that, not really. It was other people and they just got to her. She never doubted him. He loves her and she loves him. He’s waiting for her to follow. She just has to be patient and get to him and ignore all of the other parts.

When she comes out of the bathroom, he’s in his boxers and sitting on the bed, typing on his phone. She doesn’t really want to put her dress back on, so she leans down to grab his shirt off the ground, the button up, and–

“Oh,” she says. “Were you going somewhere? You were dressed up.”

Yuki smiles at her. “Yeah, I had an important meeting that I missed. I’ll fail this class now.”

Machi’s mouth drops open. “What–”

He laughs immediately and she feels her entire face go red. She stomps her foot down and yanks the shirt on her arms. “You’re not funny!” she says, fighting a smile as she does up a few buttons. God, he’s the worst and she really loves him.

“I know, I know.” He gets up and walks over to her, putting his hand under her chin and gently lifting her gaze to his. “It was just drinks with some friends, nothing important.”

She shouldn’t indulge him after he teases her, but she can’t help herself. She leans into the kiss he offers and melts against him, just happy to be here with him. When he pulls back, she sighs. “If you’re sure.”

Yuki runs his fingers delicately over her face, pushing her hair out of the way, sending a small shiver down her spine. “Although,” he says, “If you’re up for it, I’m sure they’ll be there for a few more hours and I would like to introduce you to them.”

She blinks. “Oh.” She hadn’t even thought of meeting his college friends.

“Only if you want to,” he says and cups her cheek. “I know you probably didn’t plan for it, and the train ride was lon–” He stops and blinks. “Wait, didn’t you have classes today?”

Her face flushes. “No,” she says before she thinks. “I mean, yes, but it’s fine. It’s just hookie, one day. It’s fine.” She wishes she didn’t fluster so easy. “It’s not a big deal, nothing important, it’s fine.”

Yuki looks amused, but there’s an edge of concern on his face that she desperately wants to avoid. “Did something hap–”

“I want to meet your friends!” she says it quickly, trying to distract him from the obvious question he wants to ask. “Give me one minute. I’ll get dressed, hold on,” and she pulls away.

**

It’s embarrassing and she doesn’t want to worry him over something so humiliating. She knows it’s going to worry him either way and that she’ll have to talk about it eventually, but she wants to avoid it for as long as possible right now. She wants to spend time with him, hold his hand and meet his friends, go places with him and hear him talk about school. She wants to think of her intention as solely that she missed him, that no other part of her had been antagonized into having a different motive.

He indulges her for now and she’s thankful for that much.

They get dressed (in different, less wrinkly clothes) and Yuki leads her to a place just a few blocks from his apartment. He points out different restaurants and shops while telling her about the things they’ll do when she comes back up for Golden Week. He holds her hand the entire walk there.

She relaxes, she forgets, and she smiles.

It’ll be okay.

**

The table that his friends are sitting around is huge and crowded, but they all light up when he approaches, most of them yelling his name and cheering. There’s a mix of boys and girls, many names Machi’s heard Yuki talk about and plenty that she forgets almost immediately. They welcome her easily and make room for them both on the floor.

She sits next to a girl with twin braids and a wide smile. She introduces herself as Namie Shishido and Machi recalls her as a classmate of Yuki’s.

“Sohma-kun and I sit next to each other in a lecture,” she tells Machi while Yuki talks to the guy on his left. “He’s very smart. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone take notes so effortlessly. I’m always getting behind and asking him for help. It’s a nightmare.”

“Shishi-kun gets behind because she doodles,” a girl next to Namie says, laughing.

Namie laughs herself but pushes the other girl’s shoulder. “Don’t talk bad about me in front of Kuragi-san!”

“You started it!” The girls both laugh and Machi smiles at the scene.

She peeks her gaze at Yuki, who has his arm behind her, the front of his shoulder pressing into the back of hers. He has his head turned to talk to some friends, but he stays steady beside her.

When she looks back, Namie is throwing a wadded up paper napkin at a boy down the table from them.

The girl sits back on her feet and looks at Machi to roll her eyes. “I promise you, I’m very smart.”

Machi nods, a little lost on the conversation.

Namie takes a drink before turning more towards Machi. “So, you’re in your third year of high school, right?”

Machi nods.

“That’s so exciting! Sohma-kun says you’re in the student council?”

“Yeah,” she says, “I’m the treasurer. This is my second year doing it.”

“I was the treasurer at my school!” She leans closer to Machi, smiling wide and lit up like a star. “I’ve only ever been good at math, so I loved it. Do you like math?”

“Uh, I guess. I’m good at it at least.”

“Our school has a great math program. It’s–”

“Shishido-san,” Yuki says, chiming in and grabbing both of their attention. “Machi’s away from school, don’t overwhelm her.”

Namie sticks out her tongue. “You’re just worried that when Kuragi-san comes to school here she’s going to be my best friend and barely spend time with you.”

Yuki rolls his eyes, a smirk on his lips. “Sure, Shishi, whatever you say.” He moves his gaze to Machi, smiling more fond as his eyes roam her face. “You okay?”

And she is. She really, really is. She’s been worried since Yuki started texting her about all of his different friends, telling her stories with names she didn’t recognize, that she would never know how to fit into his life at college. She’s never gotten along with people, never been able to be a part of the group.

This, though, is almost easy. She feels nervous, but everyone is nice and warm. The girls are sweet and everyone is easy to talk to. She feels a sort of at peace about it all.

So, she nods.

**

Before Yuki picked out this school, he asked her a lot of questions. Questions about the city, the school, the fact that it was so far from home. He would ask her opinion on everything, and at some point, she asked him why. 

He told her he wanted to go somewhere she would want to be. He wanted to go to a college she liked too, where she could study things she was interested in, in a town she would like. So that when she finally graduated she could come there to be with him. He seemed surprised she asked and she was surprised by his answer.

Together they picked out the school and Machi was glad he liked it so much, glad he didn’t regret it. He even seemed to flourish like he did the last two years of high school. She was happy, excited for him and herself.

“I’m dreading the day Kakeru comes to visit,” he says on their walk back to his apartment. “He’s gonna call me ‘Yun-Yun’ once and then it’ll all be over. That’s the only name they’ll call me.” He sighs, but she can see the grin he tries to hold back.

She giggles. “Seems like you make friends with anyone willing to call you that.”

He chuckles, squeezing her hand. “True, I guess it’s a fault with me.” He smiles at her, leading them to turn a corner. “Thank you for coming to meet them. I’m sure it was overwhelming– it was more than I anticipated.”

She says, “I was happy to meet your friends,” and means it.

Yuki stops their walk, just long enough to lean down and kiss her. She gets on her tip-toes to meet him half-way and she’s thankful for this moment. It’s a prelude, an eventuality. In a year this will be her life and they won’t be walking to Yuki’s apartment– it’ll just be them going home. She just has to wait it out.

**

Machi realizes she didn’t pack any pajamas, but she did accidentally include a pillowcase. Yuki takes the time to tease her to blushing before he gives her a shirt and sweatpants to sleep in. They’re huge on her, but she does like how they smell.

She’s sitting on his couch, going through her bag and being annoyed at how poorly she packed, when he comes out of his room with a plastic bag.

“Here,” he says, handing the bag to her as she sits down next to her on the couch.

Machi blinks, confused, as she sets her own bag down on the ground and grabs the one he’s holding out.

“I got this for you,” he continues, “I wasn’t sure if I should send it or just wait for Golden Week, but since you’re here I’ll give it to you now.” He turns on the couch to face her, smiling easily at her questioning look. “Sorry it’s not wrapped, short notice.”

She smiles and reaches into the bag, pulling out some anime magazine she’s never heard of. She can see from the date that it’s old and she can feel her eyebrows push together in confusion. She scans the cover, wondering why he’s gifted this to her until she sees–

“It has an interview with the woman who writes Mogeta in it. It’s from when she first started the series, so it’s older. I didn’t know if you already have it–”

She can feel the giant exclamation marks above her head as she lifts the magazine up to look at it better. Her jaw is hanging open and she can’t believe his luck in always finding the Mogeta merchandise she wants.

He laughs. “I guess you don’t have it.”

She turns to him, kneeling on the couch and setting the magazine in her lap. She means to say her thanks, but what comes out is, “I didn’t bring you anything!” which is essentially the same thing.

Yuki smiles at her, soft and warm, and he reaches out his hand to run his fingers through her hair, smoothing out her bangs and pushing the strands back. “Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you came to visit, that’s all I wanted.”

His palm is warm against her cheek and it’s so easy to lean into his hold, to close her eyes and smile, to feel his thumb caress her cheekbone, to revel in these next couple of days they have together.

But she can feel him growing worried. She can feel the shift of his eyes from happy to concerned without even looking at him. She can feel his touch turn to comforting, bracing her for his next words.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

**

It’s embarrassing. It’s so embarrassing that she doesn’t want to explain it and would rather bottle it all away and ignore it because she hates that she let it get to this point. She hates that she ever listened to them, that she let them talk doubt into her mind. She doesn’t want to be like this, she doesn’t want to be something as petty as jealous.

“I know you would never cheat on me,” she says.

It’s not even jealousy, really, it’s suspicion. It’s the idea that she needs to be jealous, ready to be skeptical of everything Yuki says. It makes her sick, wondering if she needs to worry about every part of their relationship. She hates that any part of her thinks those things.

“It’s just, at school it’s–”

Except isn’t even thinking them, really. She’s just hearing them. Day in and day out, another girl in the school halls is ready to tell her she’s an idiot for not worrying, because of course Yuki’s cheating, he’s in college now. There’s a bunch of different girls there, prettier and smarter and more interesting than some high school girl like Machi. She’s naive if she thinks he’d be faithful to her. In fact, they bet he’s already dumped and she is just acting like he didn’t. They are so sure of themselves and they tell her every chance they get.

“I trust you,” she says, and she can feel herself starting to cry. “I do, I promise.”

And there are girls who whisper loud enough that she can hear about how they have friends in Yuki’s college, and he’s definitely dating this girl or that one, and he’s probably just too nice to tell Machi they’re over. He’s probably waiting to tell her to her face. There’s no use telling them they’re wrong, Machi knows; they just laugh at her anyways.

“I know you love me.” She folds in on herself, pressing her forehead to Yuki’s thigh as she feels the tears choking her. “I know that.”

It was easier when he was there. There were still snide comments and rude remarks, but he was just right there. He was easy to see and he would hold her hand and Machi had a confidence she didn’t know she could lose. She wants that back, wants to trust her own thoughts and not hear other's voices instead. She doesn’t want to be forced to worry about him cheating or even consider it a possibility.

“I never want you to feel like you have to ‘prove’ your love to me,” she says as she cries. She feels his hand, warm and steady on her back. She feels so dumb but she can’t stop herself. “I know you do and I never want to doubt myself.”

So when she woke up that morning, fully intending to get ready for school, she just. Couldn’t. She couldn’t muster the energy to pull on her uniform and walk those halls, but instead to put on a dress and go to the train station. She threw things in a bag, bought the first ticket she could get. She barely even thought about it.

When her crying finally calms down, she sits up, feeling silly and probably looking like a mess.

He scoots closer to her, his hands wiping her face clean, his palms cooling her heated face. She leans into him, relief filling her body from just getting out all she’s been carrying. Although she hates how worried he looks at her now.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

She shakes her head. “Don’t, please.” She grabs his hands, holding them in her own on top of the magazine he bought her on her lap. His fingers squeeze her hands and she smiles, small, but there. “When I saw you today– I knew right away how dumb it was to even consider. I love you, Yuki, and I know you love me. That’s what it all comes down to. They can taunt me all they want, but I know that. I think parts of it are how much I miss you, but at the end of it all, I trust you. Okay?”

He leans his forehead against her, his eyes closed. “Okay.”

And Machi smiles, tears still stuck in her lashes.

**

They spend the rest of that weekend glued together. They laze about Yuki’s apartment, watching TV and tending to the herbs growing on the deck. They order in food and talk to each other like they have no time limit, like they’ve fast forwarded to the good part, where this is just their life. Yuki kisses her like he knows she has to leave and Machi doesn’t let him go.

She wakes up in his bed, wearing his shirt, with him pressed against her back, and she takes the time to remember every detail.

There are a thousand and one details she has of him that are hers alone. His smell and his taste. The way he sleeps and the way he does his tie. How he smiles for everyone and how he smiles just for her. He’s given her these things, and she loves him for that.

She can take the jeering, just for a little longer.

He’s promised to wait, so she promises to keep moving forward.

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since I first read the series I have been so worried about Machi in school after Yuki leaves for college. Like, is my daughter okay?


End file.
